How I’m (not) blogging
I've been using this blog to talk about stuff that matters to me, but not so much as a log of my activities. This is fine by me. If I imagine myself in the future, I suppose I'll be more interested in reading about what I thought in 2026 rather than a painstakingly accurate log of every single thing I did on a given day. That being said, it hasn't always been like this, not really.
A couple years ago, I started feeling this sense of dread, this new fear: that if I didn't write stuff down, then I would forget about everything. Now I know that this was a symptom of anxiety, but I didn't back then. In fact, I thought it was common sense, corroborated by past experience: my teenage years are gone, and only a handful of memories survive. I can't access what I did on a certain day, as well as how I felt, which is drastically more important to me. And because stuff around me was happening and changing, I thought I should put some effort into logging and cataloguing my adult life so that I wouldn't forget.
I did this for a couple years using Hobonichi planners. Almost every single day is a chronicle of what I did, read, ate. I would paste pictures in it, and more importantly, I would anticipate taking pictures in order to paste them in. If I somehow forgot to take a picture of a gathering or event on any given day, more dread would fill me up. How could I forget to take a picture? Now this memory is gone, I might lose it forever, I won't be able to access it. It took a while for me to grow out of this mindset, and I'm not sure I'm out of it really. After all, even this blog is a version of that, if plainer, if milder, if more controlled and less conducive to anxious spirals. I use my 2026 Hobonichi more like a tool to jot down random notes and only sometimes paste pictures in it. I stopped logging every single meal because, frankly, that felt too close to an eating disorder rather than a useful practice. If I don't log anything on a certain day, I'm now okay with that; it's easier to make peace with the fact that life is a flow that one should follow rather than a series of boxes to be ticked, and so I'm better at not feeling that familiar dread.
This blog, though. It's a bit different. I need to get the hang of it and understand how to use it to my own advantage, and how much of my life I want to share. On the one hand, I love reading other people's posts about their life, and see pictures. On the other hand, I'm not quite ready for that, and maybe, just maybe, a part of me still thinks there's not much worth sharing. But I do want to share. I do want to make this into a beautiful place for myself, to see not only opinions and rants (sorry for those), but also small moments of daily joy, or daily whatever, really.