Sombering thoughts
This post was originally written on April 17, but I forgot to post it before falling asleep in the evening, so I've decided to post it on April 18 anyway for the sake of my daily blogging experiment. You're free to read more about this mistake here.
The more spend time in this world, the less I want to. I do not mean this in a harmful way, but more in the sense of: I know too much to have a happy life. I know how the sausage gets made. Most days, it's a sombering thought, and I tend to feel weighted by it rather than inspired or called to action. Maybe it's my fault, I dunno.
I was watching a video on prediction markets, then one about the tradwife epidemic that's taking social media by storm. I'm reading a book about how fucked up social media companies are (the bigger, the worst), and simultaneously another book about why younger generations are coming back to religions. Whenever I try to read something on environmentalism, the tone is basically all doom and gloom. What I gather from all of this consumption is that capitalism failed all of us, and that I was living a happier life when, while still struggling with severe personal and mental issues, I did not really know about any of this.
These day, I feel like it's harder to have dreams, harder to fight. Harder to ignoring that everyone's doing their best and struggling enormously at the same time, so I can't even feel unique in my struggle, smh
How we get to be human in a world that is constantly changing is beyond me. We need to come together as soon as possible, but humanity feels more divided than it ever was. With every step I take, I'm ever so aware of the white rich men profiting from each one of my actions. Surely this isn't the way to live, is it?
As I said. Sombering thoughts. Sometimes dark, but dark is the new neutral, I guess. Happiness comes in spurts, and even then, I'd rather not label it happiness—it's more of a serene state of being, where nothing can hurt you, but you know it's incredibly temporary. It's much, much easier to find reasons to be dissatisfied, like my sedentary lifestyle which is slowly but surely harming me, I'm afraid. I don't have the strength or stamina to do sports often, but I also don't want to sit on my ass every day, even if sitting on my ass allows me to do things I love like watch movies or read books.