Some people can’t help making you feel inferior
I’ve had the biggest inferiority complex for most of my life. When untreated, such a complex can turn into impostor syndrome, social anxiety, generalised awkwardness. I don’t like this trait about myself, not because it’s evil or morally wrong or because it makes me feel less than, but because it’s unpredictable. It sneaks upon you when you’re least expecting it, and it can thrust you into smallness with such incredible force. I might be enjoying a nice evening out with friends when WHAM!, I’m somehow back to middle school, wondering if the people around me actually like or even care that I’m there at all.
When I think of it rationally, I know it’s all bs. I’m in my early thirties, and certain doubts shouldn’t have space in my daily life. However, some wounds are deep-seated, and anything can make certain pains flare up again. As an adult, though, I’ve realised something important—a piece of knowledge that makes all the difference, and it’s this: Some people can’t help but make you feel inferior.
It’s not that they’re evil, or even conscious that they’re doing it. The way they talk and interact with the outer world is influenced by countless variables, and certain traits that would make them appear arrogant know-it-alls are ingrained and automatic. Maybe they’re arrogant assholes. Or maybe it’s their survival strategy! Maybe it’s a coping mechanism! I cannot change the annoying, presumptuous way a friend shares facts with me, and the way that can sometimes make me feel so incredibly small; I can only accept that that is a trait that can’t be helped. It’s not in their intentions to make me feel like that, and my emotional response to certain behaviours is just as automatic and seamless.
I wish I’d known this as a child, but even thinking about that seems ridiculous. As a kid (and then a teenager, and then a young adult), I always assumed that other people knew more about the world than I did, and that somehow I would be left behind. Now, I know that this is not the case, and that, even when somebody does know more, that perceived difference is not harmful. It can’t be helped.